Recently I underwent a major surgery to remove a large cancerous tumor. I am (or thought I was) a healthy person so I have never had surgery or any surgical procedures and had a lot of fear about what was ahead. I was having full blown panic attacks in the days leading up to the morning that I would check-in to the hospital before dawn for a four hour surgery.
My fear was not about dying during surgery. I have no fear of death and while I would never check out of life early, I look forward to life after this life. My fear was more about living through the surgery but never feeling the same again. Never feeling strong and healthy as I have always felt. Most importantly, I felt that I would lose my independence. Cancer has a way of giving one some very dark thoughts.
I heard someone say that cancer is suicide from the inside out. A cancer tumor must have a live host to survive and grow within, yet cancer kills the very host it feeds upon. We are usually the very ones that create our disease and I believe I created my own long ago, as a kill switch. A way of checking out if I wanted out of this lifetime.
A kill switch, also known as an emergency stop (E-stop), emergency off (EMO) and as an emergency power off (EPO), is a safety mechanism used to shut off machinery in an emergency, when it cannot be shut down in the usual manner.
I felt that I was standing at a real crossroads in my life now. Would staying in my current lifetime after this disease mean a loss of my former robust health? Would it mean a loss of exploring life in all its myriad forms? If I chose the kill switch I knew that cancer would be no simple death. I felt like I was in the preverbal, “rock and a hard place” with this decision; Do I go or do I stay?
With much trepidation I decided to have the surgery. Days before my surgery I reached out to some friends for some support. I got in touch with, Candace Sanderson, Gordon Phinn, Keith Gunnell, Eleanor and Adrian to let them know that I would be undergoing surgery. Candie works with the angelic realm and she asked her prayer group to pray for me. She had more than 30 people sending me healing from the angelic realm. Gordon Phinn is a distance healer and experiencer of many kinds of phenomena. He sent his powerful distance healing my way. Keith spent much time looking for ways to make me laugh before surgery. Eleanor sent her healing light and this woman has the power to make every person she contacts feel good. When I think of Eleanor I see light. Adrian is a dear friend. He’s a very intelligent and logical person and his advice and suggestions during this time in my life were invaluable. I thank you all so much!
The morning of my surgery, I checked into the hospital and was finally settled on a gurney to await my time. A nurse came in and said she was going to put a very strong drug into my IV so I would relax and fall asleep before I ever got to the operating room doors. I was pretty nervous so I thanked her and looked forward to going to sleep. She began moving my gurney, with me on it, down the hall toward the operating room. The gurney moved smoothly and quietly down the hall and the nurse kept looking back at me to see if I had gone to sleep. But the drug she had given me earlier had very little effect on me just then. I was wide awake. We went inside the operating room and she gave me into the surgical nurse’s care and I was moved onto the operating table.
There were a lot of people in the room getting ready for my surgery. The drug I was given had dimmed the edges of my reality now but I was very aware of the room and the people moving around me. Soon I felt someone holding my hand.
The hand felt warm and strong and I appreciated the support even though the lights were too bright at first for me to see the person offering this support. I said, “so this is where it all happens huh?”. The anesthesiologist setting up his equipment laughed a little and said not to worry I would soon be asleep and I wouldn’t remember any of this when I woke up.
The hand holding mine gave a little squeeze and I turned my head to try to see who was giving me this support. What I saw was a bright being that was very tall. I was lying on the table but I could see that this being was taller than anyone else in the room. The light being appeared to me as very large and when I looked around the room just then I could see many light beings.
They were standing around me in a circle and the nurses and doctors were moving right through them. I got the knowing that the beings were appearing very large so I could see them through the lights and feel their strength. I knew they would remain in the room giving me support through the entire surgery. That’s the last thing I remember before waking up in my room in the hospital many hours later.
This is a testament to the power we have to heal each other and give support, even at a distance. My friends had sent me these powerful light beings to support me through my surgery yet I have never physically met one of these incredibly kind people. Their support made it possible for me to close my eyes and relax and trust that all was just as it should be. The surgery went well and I am feeling better each day. I have no doubt I will make a full recovery in time. It was incredible to have had that support around me. I will sure pass it on. We all have a powerful connection with each other.